Mom Undies.

I'm pregnant. Duh.

I'm also a girl. Duh.

As a female I tend to try from time to time to be reasonably desirable to the opposite sex. That's how I got all knocked and shiz. Duh.

Let's talk about last Saturday. The day I stopped climbing sexy mountain and fell over the cliff into the abyss of mom-like asexual nerdom.

I'm at target checking out the after Christmas deals on wrapping paper (it's 75% off, ok, and it's wrapping paper?!).

Always the thrifty clearance shopper, I decide to check out the deals in other departments. This leads me to the p.j. section. Being that the Manatee must either wear her husbands shirts to bed or sleep in her natural state, I thought it might be nice to find a comfy" XXL matching set to snuggle into.

Just then, like a bear to raw picnic meat, I was drawn to a wall I had never seen. It was a wall...
of underpants.

Cotton underpants.

In multi-packs.

At first I laughed at the happy models on the bags in their high waisted mom undies. "Silly models, don't you realize those undies go up past your belly button? Haha... ha... ha." Then I picked up a pack. "These patterns are kinda cute" I thought. Next it was "7 pairs for $6?, I mean its NOT like I'm ever gonna want these after I have this baby and shed the Manatee pounds. I can just burn them all in a huge voodoo fire or Tyler can use them to dry the car.... or cover it". Then I .... tossed them quickly in the cart.

If you are a girl reading this entry, you understand why this is a turning point.
As a young, reasonably attractive woman you do not buy cotton underpants in the MULTI-PACK. You might occasionally go for the 5 for $25 deals, but that's different.
You typically shop for small, sexy underpants in synthetic fabrics or silk, most with little to no coverage. Most of the time, there is no real point in wearing these underwear, and in fact you don't plan to wear them long anyway, should they serve their intended purpose.

Not these. I could have wrapped myself in the luxurious cotton cocoon of these giant underpants and stayed there forever. And. I. Couldn't. Have. Cared. Less.

Until I was forced the flop them onto the conveyor at the register... or the BELT OF SHAME as I like to think of it.

Any girl who's bought pads, tampons, condoms, pregnancy tests, etc. can relate. There's a feeling of shame that comes along with this, especially if the person checking you out at the register happens to be an 18 boy who looks at your mom undies and smirks as he places them in the sack.

That's right "Brandon", momma's wearing GIANT cotton underpants. Put that in your bank for later.

XOXO,

Manatee